okay I need to clear up some rumours real quick. Screwdriver Smith is not my handler. I don’t have a handler, and that term is offensive anyway – we call them “managers”, or “agencies”.
He is my FRIEND.
Screwdriver Smith is my
F
R
I
E
N
D
Y’all have some really normative ideas about friendship.
Just last week, I was walking home, and Screwdriver Smith was passing and he was kind enough to offer me a lift in his van. He drove me out to this abandoned warehouse and said, “Gaspar, I’m in real trouble, I’ve got one last job for you, you’d do that for a mate, wouldn’t you?”
And I said, “Screws, you said that last time, bro”
and he said “Yeah, but this really is the last time,”
and I said “You said that last time and all,”
and he said “Listen, you grotty little scrote, they don’t call us Screwdriver Smith for nothing, you do the fucking job”.
Anyway, I said “of course, whatever”, and after that he drove me back to my place and we hung out for a bit and had a nice drink (courtesy of Dmitry, he thinks I don’t know about his liquor stash XD ) and then he stayed over (friends don’t let friends drive drunk). I offered to sleep on the sofa in case he wanted the bed, but he said it was okay, which was nice of him. I don’t think he sleeps anyway.
If you think that two guys can’t have a friendship like that, and think it’s “weird” or “coercive” or “creepy”, you need to stop right there and self-crit. ALL FRIENDSHIPS ARE HEALTHY.
He even sent me some bullets in the post the other day as a present! I was a little hurt that he apparently forgot that I’m a strangler, and the only gun I own is a .22 and these were .50s, but it’s the thought that counts. :3
Stranglewank Hitman 