I’ve mentioned before that contract killing is the oldest profession, and murdering people for money is not a new thing – we’ve been around forever, but sadly erased from history. So I just thought I’d share some facts with you lovely folx:
Contract killing occurs in nature
I’m sure you all know that lots of animals prey on other species, but chimpanzees – perhaps our closest living relatives – also kill other chimpanzees for other resources.
“Murder ‘comes naturally’ to chimpanzees”: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-29237276
“Killing competitors improves a male chimp’s access to resources like food and territory”.
I assume they mean male-identifying chimp here. Anyway, the point is, It’s entirely natural and healthy to kill members of your own species for money.
Assassins have operated all throughout history
Li Fuguo, a powerful official in Tang era China, was killed in 762CE by assassins hired by Emperor Daizong. Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44BCE, and Shakespeare even wrote the play Julius Caesar about it. And these are just the most famous cases – imagine how many other assassins must have operated over the years and had their stories erased from the narrative.
Part of the problem is the stigma against murder work, we have to conceal our identities, which is clearly problematic for all sorts of reasons, and it means our voices are never heard.
It’s in the Bible
Yup, for all the SKERFs side with religious groups in saying our profession is wrong, it’s even in the Bible. Sure, some of the Old Testament says it’s bad:
Deuteronomy 27:25:
‘Cursed be anyone who takes a bribe to shed innocent blood.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’
But the New Testament has a much nicer take on it. Acts 21:38 mentions “four thousand men of the Assassins”, and Matthew 26:14-16 tells the story of Judas Iscariot, who earned thirty pieces of silver for targeting Jesus (without which the resurrection couldn’t have happened, he had to die first, obvs).
And before y’all say “but Gaspar, those are just paid killings, they lack the sexual element of your trademark stranglewank”, that’s true, but check Mark 6:22-29 – Salome does a sexy dance for King Herod and puts a hit on John the Baptist.
So if you still think sexualised murder work is wrong or immoral, that means you think that all of these murders were wrong too, and you need to self-crit and apologise to our community!
Stranglewank Hitman 