garbagemoji:

lovelycarnations:

hi friendly reminder that if you dont think that trans women are actual women (including you not wanting to date one bc ur a “lesbian”) then go choke bitch

Stop pushing your made up gender identity bullshit on people and threating violence when they point out that it makes no fucking sense.

Stop pressuring people to force attraction to both males and females and ignore their sexual orientation what the fuck is wrong with you

You’re attracted to peoples random pronouns and dgaf about their bio sex? AWESOME FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU!!

Not everyone is attracted to both sexes If a lesbian doesn’t want to date a transwoman or a straight woman doesn’t want to date a transman it’s becuase of our sexual orientation and don’t deserve threats of violence for something we cant control because sexual orientation isn’t a preference and our biogical differences are indeed, contrary to your made up ideology, a part of our sexual orientations

Stop being a creepy fuck trying to tell people who to sleep with and let in to their spaces.

damn terfs can choke

I’m quite happy to choke people to death! Though usually, my targets are mob bosses or arms dealers. Oddly enough, I’ve been getting quite a few requests to choke unspecified feminists lately, but they never pay me the £5,000 upfront, so I’m not sure if they really mean it or not.

Well, even if they don’t actually hire me, at least they’ve always turned out to be nice allies of violent assigned-male-at-births like me! ^_^ Hopefully you’ll be the same and we can be friends. My colleague “Screwdriver” Smith is doing 35 years in Belmarsh, and he could do with more penpals. ❤

My John Wick review

I’m sorry to say it, peoplx and allies, but the John Wick series is suspiciously murderphobic and disappointingly problematic. The protagonist sometimes feels bad about his work – and how are we supposed to convince people to support the industry if we show anything bad about it? More “happy hitmen”, please!
Also, Keanu’s hair is shit. I know fashion, I had a sort of ironic retro ‘90s Hugh Grant thing going on, and then that fucktrombone Dmitry spiked my macchiato with polonium and now it’s the same but with hip missing patches on the sides. I’m much more edgy and handsome and trendy than Keanu (why won’t any dumb bitches date me already?? TT_TT ).
I like to think I cut through the bullshit and address the real issues here. ^_^ Media are so important!
(except for recordings of real life violence, so STOP ASKING ME about those. They have no effect on anything whatsoever and they’re actually very empowering. Though I will say, some of the performers in the “gorn” videos I’ve seen have really awful beards. I know a place in Camden that does great moustache wax. Sort it out, ISIS! ^_- )

You know, folx, Dmitry really has got some bloody nerve calling me “shitman”, when he’s the one who completed his last five assignments by drowning his target in the nearest toilet. He doesn’t even try to hide the evidence or make it look like an accident or anything.

He’s much too thick to have come up with such a hurtful name on his own. I think it’s a Russian conspiracy, in fact I’m sure of it. He’s had help from the Kremlin to annoy me. The things I have to put up with… -_-;

The Nordic Model has failed

Did you know that, in most countries, it is perfectly legal to be murdered, but illegal to commit murder and to place a hit? It doesn’t make any sense! O___o?
This legal peculiarity is called the Nordic Model, and it causes me no end of problems. By criminalising one side of the transaction, the whole contract killing industry is driven underground. We hitmen (and hit-non-men) need full legalisation, and immunity for our clients! The industry could be taxed and regulated, to make sure we did nice, clean, humane kills – like my strangulation work, and unlike Dmitry’s usual MO of drowning the target in the nearest toilet. (No class, that man.)
The system has clearly failed in the Nordic countries for which it is named. There is a long and very popular trend of exciting “Scandi-noir” murder fiction, which I think suggests that there’s a real appetite for change.
Support full legalisation of the murder industry, please! ^_^

Dating preferences, redux

I know I’ve posted about this before, but it’s a big issue. Lots of assigned-females-at-birth say they don’t want to date a serial killer. And, whether they intend to be bigoted and preferential or not, it’s a cultural norm that clearly discriminates against hitmen.

Now, I said this a while ago, and since then, I’m glad to say there’s been some improvement! ^_^ First, Big Dave said he’d set me up with his sister Lorraine… if I could take care of her ex-husband, Scary Steve, for her. And then there was a very nice lady called Sandra who’d been writing letters to me when I was on remand, and said she wanted to meet to cheer me up… but only if her friend came along too, and we met in a public place.

This just shows how deep the problem goes! I don’t want to be a pity date, and I don’t want our relationship to be based on what I can offer.

So, obviously, I’ll have to clarify for yal’l: Refusing to date assassins is discriminatory. But also if you’re not going to put out, don’t waste my time.

That’s how you can be a good ally! ^_^

(also, Lorraine, I will kill Scary Steve for you, but it’ll be the usual ten grand, I’m afraid. I don’t offer mates’ rates. Though afterwards, we could go and get a drink, or go to the cinema? I think John Wick 2 is still showing, you’ll have to buy the tickets though, since all my British bank accounts have been frozen, and, well, it’s just the decent thing to do as an ally. I shall have a large pick-n-mix with strawberry laces, chocolate raisins and flumps, and a gin miniature too. Can you remember all that? See you there! ^_^)

A comic I drew for Jezebel, explaining why our industry is perfectly fine and not necessarily a
bad thing. And more importantly, why feminists should care about and
prioritise us and our employers (and not our targets) in their activism!
^_^

The Kink Umbrella

Lately I’ve been self-analysing and considering my identity with a critical lens, and I’m wondering if I could truly be classed as a “kinkster”. The kink umbrella is a broad movement, inclusive of just about everyone with an interest in bondage, domination, submission, sadism, abuse, wife beating or pain play.

But, and here’s the crucial thing: my interest in pain and bondage isn’t sexual. Sure, I enjoy my career, of course, but to me it’s just a job. And it really is a job just like any other: as we say in our industry, “Wet Work Is Work”! ^_^ (Really, my personal preference is pyrophilia, but that’s a story for another time.)

So, my question is, am I valid? Please tell me I’m valid. I mean, I identify as a valid kinkster and I am a queer-identified heterosexual, but is that enough??

how do i come out to my family as a killer? i want to tell them i’ve done so much more than just burn ants with a magnifying glass, but i think they’ll just deny my true and honest identity!

stranglewankhitman:

Ooh, that’s a tough one. It’s never been an issue for me since my mother guessed (“feared”, as she so problematically put it, the nasty disgusting SKERF bitch) long ago that I’d grow up to be a serial killer, and I haven’t really spoken to my father since he sent me off to boarding school age 5 (except for once when I was 11, when he yelled at me for stealing his porn collection, and again when I was 14, for burning down his garden shed and filming myself doing it).

Tbqh, I would sit them down, then just come out and say it. Tell them all the gory details! ^_^ Our proclivities and urges are *exactly* like sexual orientation (or would be if such a thing existed, I’m pretty sure same-sex attraction is a myth, it’s just an excuse for so-called “lesbians” to reject me TT_TT). That means they’re obliged to accept your murder hobby exactly as they should accept someone in a happy and healthy same-sex relationship.

If they don’t accept it, or say literally anything other than “I’m so happy for you and I support you!” – prejudiced, bigoted things such as “Are you sure you want to do that?” or “Please keep yourself safe out there” – then don’t hesitate to disown them! You will always have your #HitterFamily ! UwU Dmitry, Guro, Big Dave and all my friends and I will take care of you. We’ll encourage you to go professional and become an assassin right away! (No pressure, but if you wanted to stay in our *~Hitter Family~*, you’d totally do it. Lots of people would love the opportunity. Don’t you want to be friends with us? #justsaying)

Okay first of all I want to make it clear that this was NOT MY FAULT, it is a quirk of the English language and yal’l ought to take it up with Samuel Johnson: I did not notice at the time that the phrase #HitterFamily contains the word “TERF”, and for that I am truly sorry if any of my lovely readers interpreted it that way. Ya’ll are still quite welcome to join the family, you generally have to do one kill pro bono as a sort of entrance exam, or you can join if another member from the Brutus Fraternity (Carradine College, Oxford) vouches for you. We shall just have to call it something else. Radical feminists have ruined everything!

hollyjollyfakestgeekgirl:

Not to get political but if you reblog from radfems you can go choke

And don’t follow me, don’t reblog from me, don’t like my posts, don’t forget to choke your local transmisogynist

Always happy to choke people, in fact I made a career of it! ^_^ Who’s the target this time? Usually I kill mafia kingpins, arms dealers and drug barons, but I suppose I could kill a feminist, mix things up a bit.

Friendly reminder that my labour is not free, though. I charge the standard London rates of £10,000 per kill, half before and half after. Just use my Ask box or leave a coded message in the Evening Standard and I’ll get back to you! :3

thecheshirecass:

darthvcder:

darthvcder:

i’m losing terf followers so please keep unfollowing me :^)

seeing white terfs in the notes reblogging this and calling it racist has fueled me more let’s keep it going

For Pride month, here’s a lovely “No TERFs Wanted” sign for your blog.

This is great! I, for one, am sick of those uppity feminists complaining about “men trying to invade [their] spaces” and calling identity-fluid people like myself “Fake”. It makes my job very difficult!

My career requires me to follow my targets into their spaces and adopt multiple identities in order to do so, and these whiny bitches keep saying mean things like “Gaspar, I know it’s you, you’d better not be on a job”, “what are you doing with your belt?” and “aaaaaargh”. I must say, it’s not usually skinny, white, upper-middle class peoplx in my experience, often it’s trade and service workers who’ve seen me club one of their colleagues unconscious in order to borrow his/her/xer clothes. And it’s not always women, but they’re the ones who annoy me the most.

They say that me existing in their space and strangling their boss is an “act of violence” and tell me to go away and stop doing that. So clearly they all must want me dead! People like them are the reason hitmen end up buried underneath the car park outside the John Lewis in Shoreditch. I hope they can live with themselves.
Surely they must know surgery exists as a concept. That’s how I manage to get back on my feet so quickly after being shot. Good old Mr. Stone, the GMC should never have struck him off for drinking! Though it’s lucky for me they did, he doesn’t ask questions. (And neither do I, I don’t want to know what Stonesy put in that local anaesthesia or where he got it from, but it was good stuff! ^_- )

Plus “socialisation” is absolutely not a real thing, you dumb cunts. I consumed an awful lot of pornography and enjoyed pulling the legs off beetles when I was a little tyke at boarding school, and I turned out fine! ^_^