how do i come out to my family as a killer? i want to tell them i’ve done so much more than just burn ants with a magnifying glass, but i think they’ll just deny my true and honest identity!

Ooh, that’s a tough one. It’s never been an issue for me since my mother guessed (“feared”, as she so problematically put it, the nasty disgusting SKERF bitch) long ago that I’d grow up to be a serial killer, and I haven’t really spoken to my father since he sent me off to boarding school age 5 (except for once when I was 11, when he yelled at me for stealing his porn collection, and again when I was 14, for burning down his garden shed and filming myself doing it).

Tbqh, I would sit them down, then just come out and say it. Tell them all the gory details! ^_^ Our proclivities and urges are *exactly* like sexual orientation (or would be if such a thing existed, I’m pretty sure same-sex attraction is a myth, it’s just an excuse for so-called “lesbians” to reject me TT_TT). That means they’re obliged to accept your murder hobby exactly as they should accept someone in a happy and healthy same-sex relationship.

If they don’t accept it, or say literally anything other than “I’m so happy for you and I support you!” – prejudiced, bigoted things such as “Are you sure you want to do that?” or “Please keep yourself safe out there” – then don’t hesitate to disown them! You will always have your #HitterFamily ! UwU Dmitry, Guro, Big Dave and all my friends and I will take care of you. We’ll encourage you to go professional and become an assassin right away! (No pressure, but if you wanted to stay in our *~Hitter Family~*, you’d totally do it. Lots of people would love the opportunity. Don’t you want to be friends with us? #justsaying)

Responding to BDSM criticism

Y’a know, folx, people (and by people I of course mean assigned-female-at-births) can be so critical and prejudiced against perfectly healthy kink. Some people are into choking and beating their partners and watching porn of chokings and beatings, get over it already! -_-;; If it gets them hard, then it should be above criticism, it’s part of their identity after all.
“But it is a product of and further contributes to a culture that accepts and encourages abuse and violence” …and?? Do you know how much easier my job is now that choking is marketed as fun and sexy and empowering? These days, most of my targets’ people don’t even think to call the police when they find his/her/xior’s strangled corpse, they say, “oh well, the boss was a progressive kind of guy, I guess he must have been into sadism and masochism”.
You fake feminists never think about who your opinions are hurting, do you? Take a moment to consider poor (well, comfortably wealthy, but it is London) old assigned-male-at-birth me and my livelihood. I’ll wait.

god, I’m such a good feminist. They should call me the stranglewank #lit man

RAPIST!

What?? But I’m a serial murderer, not a rapist? o___o I strangle the target to death and then post-mortem I make it look like he/she/xie did it by mistake during a choke ‘n’ stroke. There’s no sexual violence involved – don’t worry, I’m not a complete monster!
Although, if other assigned-male-at-births want to hire sex workers, or enjoy domination and sadism, or use porn, it’s not for me to judge. I enjoyed porn when I was younger, and I turned out fine! Why, I would even say it helped make me the man I am today! ^_^

patchworkheart:

alucards-fine-ass:

auntiewanda:

respectthefemalebody:

Feminism is about burning down the PornHub and Kink.com headquarters.

Just say it’s your kink and watch the libfems ideologically malfunction.

are we not going to talk about how PornHub offers comprehensive sexual education to those who are deprived in schools?

imagine hating that people masturbate so much

XD

Also, PornHub funds scholarships for women in STEM fields and has their own snow plow service because they saw the Gov’t sucks at their job

Like

Imagine hating sex workers so much you want to destroy a company that employs sex workers and uses profits to better the lives of the people

Thank-you for supporting our industry!
😊 Speaking as a self-described extreme BDSM breath play specialist, I’m freelance, but a lot of my colleagues were made redundant when Screwdriver Smith was imprisoned for a string of killings. He managed several assassins! 😢 (What was he supposed to do instead of profiting from murder anyway? Go back into financial services?)

Our clients are perfectly lovely, normal people! The reason they hire us is that they don’t want to commit murder themselves, so they outsource it to us. They’re not violent psychopaths (an ableist slur, bt-dubs) just because they want to pay for violence, and sometimes want to watch it by demanding evidence of the hit. Plus, they better the lives of so many by donating the odd few quid to charities, and keeping the streets safe from rival gangsters on their turf.

Besides, it’s not like it’s real violence anyway. We’re selling a fantasy! (Well, I mean, the target is definitely dead, but the fantasy is that I didn’t do it.) And then I sell that fantasy to the police and any potential witnesses. (Anyway, lots of people enjoy target shooting, and it’s impossible to do that without using a person as the target – imagine hating everybody who likes sports! -_-;;)

Admittedly, I might not exactly represent everyone in my industry (e.g. all the child soldiers and conscripts you hear about now and again who might not want to commit murders), but imagine hating them so much that you would stop their employment! And if they don’t agree, they should get a blog and a marketing department of their own to put their side of the story.

Thank-you for being such a great ally to us! ^_^ I’d like to offer you a 10% discount on a future hit, so that’s £9,000 in used notes or into my Swiss bank account. Just let me know the target’s name and last known address, and provide a photo if possible (of the target, not of yourself please – after an unfortunate mix-up recently, I’ve had to start making that clear! ^_- )

Oh wow! I’ve only just discovered your blog! Keep up the good fight against those evil SKERFs. It is absolutely disgusting the way they refuse to live and let die. Your identity is as valid as anyone else’s.

Awwww! :3 Thank-you for being such a lovely ally to me! My current identity is Phillipe, cocktail waiter, so I can drug a target. I’m in the Foucault Club in Soho, if you come down here in the next twenty minutes or so, I can fix you a free drink if you like? (I’ll be very careful not to mix them up, don’t worry!) I’ll have to go and finish the job soon before the target comes round, and then arrange his body to look like some self-indulgence gone awry, but we might have enough time for a gin or six before his body’s discovered. ^_^ xoxo

If you’re trying to say lesbians can’t like dick For starters doesn’t have to be anything sexual in the relationship And either way lesbians are wlw and trans women are (shockingly) women

evilguacamole:

glow-cats:

evilguacamole:

glow-cats:

evilguacamole:

glow-cats:

evilguacamole:

iloveradfems:

spencer-shayy:

izzy-pea:

So you’re saying lesbians (who don’t like dick) should be in sexless relationships with males to work around the fact that they aren’t attracted to them? Do you realise how homophobic that is?

Here’s the thing you rape-promoting trans activists can’t wrap your tiny minds around. Nobody is obligated to talk to, befriend, date, and/or sleep with anyone. Nobody is owed any of that. Not transwomen, not transmen, not “cis” people. Nobody.

NO MEANS NO.

It might be a shocker for you but lesbians not only don’t like dick but they also LIKE and want vulvas, what’s the solution for that?Lesbians ignoring their desires to be with a male?

The lesbians I know define their orientation by liking women, not genitals.

That’s what we used to do, until the trans movement started redefining our words. 🙂

Y’all are using feminism to promote anti queer, ultra conservative hate mongering. You don’t get to talk about redefining words, you walking sack of garbage. Fuck off.

What the fuck is “anti queer”?

The trans movement is actually the “ultra conservative hate mongering” group, as you’ve so kindly put it. You constantly fucking harass and degrade lesbians into dating men, you violate women’s boundaries and guilt us into prioritising men. But do tell me how my feminism is the one that’s conservative.

I DO get to talk about redefining words, because it directly affects me. I can’t call myself a lesbian without 100 people screaming at me that if I don’t include men I’m a disgusting mistake, and that I deserve to be raped. What the hell am I, if not a lesbian? There’s no word to describe my sexuality anymore, because the trans movement has warped its meaning into another useless fucking term for bisexual.

But yeah.. I guess I’M the walking sack of garbage because my feminism prioritises women. Whatever helps you sleep at night, you disgusting homophobe.

Mmm. Yes. Now which of us are the republicans going to for legislation advice? Oh right, TERFs.

Trans women are women. Nothing you’ve said is relevant to the conversation because you are talking about men. You define women by a patriarchal sexual binary where sex organs trump any feminist ideas on gender. It’s industrialist, colonialist and misogynist to adhere to such poor understandings of gender. Your feminism sucks.

You are a lesbian who excludes lesbians because you adhere to patriarchal values. Anyone who says you must date some person is terrible and rape that’s are never okay. But regardless of dating preference you are still a bigot and a terrible person. I mean, I don’t care who you date: if you say trans women aren’t women you suck, you’re a bigot, a tool of conservatives and a blight on feminism. If you did date a trans woman and said they weren’t a woman you wouldn’t be any better a person. I’ve still never seen anyone ever even say this shit. What trans woman wants to be with a TERF? I don’t know anyone who’d want to be with a TERF other than another TERF. And I know a ton of lesbians, cis and trans. Every lesbian I know would rather date a man than a TERF.

You are still a lesbian. A really shitty one. Similar to one that wouldn’t date fat women or Black women. You’re still a lesbian though. You’re the one that wants bigotry to be part of your sexual identity. Why do you care if other lesbians would date trans women? You only want to date those who’ve never touched a peepee or something? Please, you’re like a man who doesn’t want a woman who’s touched someone else’s dick before his.

Your feminism prioritizes men’s views of what makes a woman. Which isn’t feminism at all. You can call me homophobic, but it doesn’t change that you are a bigot and trans women are women.

“Your feminism prioritizes men’s views of what makes a woman” so you obviously have no idea what radical feminism is, making everything else you said irrelevant lmfao. What are you basing your information on? Tumblr? I think it’s time to branch out.

Come back to me when you actually know what you’re talking about.

The patriarchy defines women by genitals, in binary and by breeding function. As do you.

You do not understand what a woman is and you are a tool of the patriarchy to maintain your ignorance and bigotry. You treat trans women as men treat all women: you do not trust them, you do not trust them to understand their bodies, you do not give them the freedom to be themselves, you wish to deny their bodily autonomy, you deny them their sexuality and their humanity. All to maintain your frail status quo.

I know what a “radical feminist” is. They are the cancer of feminism.

So happy to see this tagged #terfscanchoke! ^_^ Speaking as an identity-fluid assigned-male-at-birth with a history of committing strangulation murders and who is currently, woefully unlucky in love, it’s nice to see I’m not alone.

When most assigned-female-at-births find out about my criminal history and current employment status as a hitman (some very personal information which I TRUSTED THEM WITH), they either make their excuses and leave, or they start screaming and flee (rude!). And then I have to go back to my lonely, empty Kensington penthouse, and that’s denying me my sexuality and therefore my humanity! TT_TT I mean, I’ve always got my sexy scrapbook of photographs of things I’ve set fire to, but it’s just not the same without someone to share it with. Those selfish bitches.

I feel really offended when women don’t trust me. Perhaps they’ve encountered other violent AMABs in the past, or they’ve lived a life of seeing AFABs being blamed for violence against them committed by AMABs, and they’re judging me by the same standards. But I have never assaulted anyone without a contract. If anything, that makes me much safer to be around!

Anyway, I feel really pleased and validated and quite excited to see a celebration of people choking to death and recognition of my right to acquiescence, and of other people’s boundaries as the problematic obstacles that they are! ^_^ Actually, my former agency has been looking to replace me since I went freelance. You’d be a great fit! If you don’t mind the fact that most of the targets tend to be AMABs (they’re usually arms dealers, spies or organised crime bosses) rather than feminists, I could put in a good word for you with Sid “The Snake” if you like?

Thank-you for your allyship! ❤

elierlick:

I pushed the button.

At last: a movement that prioritises me and my struggle! As a queer-identified, heterosexual man with a penchant for BDSM and an alternative haircut, it’s about time lesbians and gays made room for me.

On many occasions, my identity has been challenged and invalidated (“hey, you’re not my usual driver, wh-aaaarghrghrgh” is one I hear a lot). I’ve been shamed for my “pathological obsession with violence”, my “complete lack of empathy”, and my “celebration and normalisation of violent behaviour”. Let’s just say that that particular lawyer for the prosecution was very problematic, and leave it at that

The point is, queer people such as myself have suffered long. Current attitudes to sexuality almost never involve money or violence, so hitmen like me are very progressive and we transgress cultural norms. Unfortunately, given the nature of our work, we have to be secretive about it and hide our authentic selves. TT_TT So I’m glad I have some allies who are willing to do the work for me, and support me instead of gays and lesbians! ^_^

Some mean, exclusionary gays and lesbians say that my identity is a choice, unlike their sexuality, and that apparently justifies them excluding me and having their own movement all about their rights. Well, it’s not true – I did not choose my interesting, super trendy haircut, Dmitry spiked my macchiato with polonium and it just went like this over the course of a few days. I don’t think the patchy bits are going to grow back. Anyway, Guro and I finally got him back, we stole a load of heroin from Wee Malkie and pinned the blame on Dmitry, so he’s had to move house suddenly and go into hiding! Serves him right! -_-

Okay look, yal’l, OF COURSE I see both sides of the prisons issue, and I quite agree.
Yes, first and foremost I am arguing for the rights of hitmen in supermax to identify into a different profession and be moved into open prisons and keep their weapons collections with them.
As I very patiently explained (even though it’s not my job to educate you, so ya’ll’ owe reparations to me specifically), on my last job, I identified as a window cleaner to get close to my target.

And I absolutely agree that that goes both ways! (unlike me – hello ladies ^_- ) If a window cleaner parked his van illegally, couldn’t pay the fine and went to prison, I FULLY SUPPORT his right to identify as a killer and move in with all my friends!

Nobody ever talks about that, though, do they? It’s all “mner ner ner, whine whine, all these scary murderers who still have their weapons moving in with unarmed non-violent offenders”. Doesn’t anyone care when the situation is reversed? I mean, I don’t, but that’s no excuse, I’ve done enough activism already so leave me alone, ugly

Prison Reform and Identity

Y’a’l’l, please support my campaign to allow convicted assassins to be transferred to open and minimum security prisons (regardless of whether or not they’re still in possession of the weapons used on the hit)! ^_^

The reasons behind this should be obvious, but if any ugly bitchy nagging SKERFs start PMSing and try to tell you that my colleagues and I are somehow a danger to the other inmates, hit ‘em with these three true facts:

1. We do not commit random violence. Contrary to what you may have heard about us, we don’t just kill for the fun of it. We need an employment contract first. So even if we’re experts at escape and get to bring all our weapons with us, we’re perfectly safe to be around (unlike our mean old cellmates who hurt our feelings by being scared)!

2. We are not the same people who committed the murders. When I’m on a job, I identify as somebody else. The last job I did, I identified as Bob Jones, window cleaner. You can’t prosecute Gaspar Milligan, stranglewank hitman, for a crime committed by Bob Jones.

3. No hitman has ever been violent in prison. Except for the ones that have, but they don’t count, because they must’ve been amateurs (see point 1).

So please join the campaign! Screwdriver Smith says Belmarsh isn’t much fun and he’d rather be somewhere where he can stretch his legs a bit. Have some empathy, folx :3

#NotYourRescueProject

After seeing Guro onto his flight back home at Heathrow, I got myself some breakfast and Bombay Sapphire in the Three Bells. As I ate, I idly wondered how Screwdriver Smith’s getting on in prison. He’s currently serving a 35-year sentence for a string of killings, apparently committed with some kind of short bladed weapon.

Being the social media-savvy chap I am, I looked him up. I don’t know if Screws has Internet access in Belmarsh, but he’ll be happy to know his business empire is doing great! I found one of his employees, Manish, on Twitter:

I haven’t seen Manish or heard anything from him in ages, so I’m glad to see he’s alright! I was worried about him, after Screws had him roughed up for making a mistake and not ordering enough CS gas and stun guns for him. Well, judging by his Twitter bio, his English has clearly improved a lot in the few months since then, so hopefully it won’t happen again.

And Screws must have promoted him pretty fast, he certainly didn’t smoke cigars when I last saw him. 🤑

Good for him!
😊

I absolutely love that hashtag too: #NotYourRescueProject! What a great rallying cry for our industry!

People often criticise me for being privileged and unrepresentative of the violence industry overall, but Manish is a person of colour and used to operate at a much lower rank than me (he was Screws’s bagman, last I heard), and his Twitter says he loves his job.

So I’m very happy to be able to use him as an example to shut down criticism! ^_^ As he requested in his bio, I’ll leave him alone and not bother checking up on him. I’m such a good ally to him.