Dmitry is still a shitlord

Dmitry: hey gaspar
Me: I’m not in the mood for your shit, Dmitry, I’m feeling sad and lonely.
Dmitry: 😦 what matter?
Me: Nobody wants to date an assassin. Women are so oppressive and discriminatory these days! How did you manage to get… whats-her-face, your cover, to marry you? And you look like a turnip with eyes. Why don’t you have this trouble with women?
Dmitry: easy, i not tell them i assassin
Me: Well, you’re utterly reprehensible. That’s not an option for me.
Dmitry: what about madison? she say she likes u
Me: I don’t know who that is.
Dmitry: nice agent lady from american embassy! she been watching u 4 sum time, she think ur cute
Me: What the fuck, Dmitry? I don’t want to date CIA! What’s wrong with you?
Dmitry: why come you won’t date assassin?
Me: Because I don’t want to get murdered, you stupid wankspangle. What if her bosses put me on her hit list?
Dmitry: so you won’t date assassin but women should date assassin like u???
Me: Well, yeah, because they’re not me!
Dmitry: thats not vary nice of u
Me: Stop oppressing me, Dmitry.
Dmitry: ill tell madison u dead
Me: God damn it, Dmitry, faking death is your answer for everything.
Dmitry: it works tho :)))

And another thing

Excluding someone from your dating pool just because he/she/they has a history of murdering people is essentialist and prejudiced, because it’s usually based on the assumption that he/she/xie is going to murder YOU next. As if that’s the MOST important thing in the relationship and it just HAS to revolve around his/her/zar murder history.

Challenge your assumptions, folx! It’s really not that important. Personally, I only commit contract killings, so I’d never bring my work home with me (unless a client put a hit on my date of course, but that’s never happened in my whole career).

Why not try dating a murder worker? You might be surprised to find it’s not the dealbreaker you thought it was! Remember, we’re attracted to hearts, not parts! ❤ (Taking parts isn’t my usual MO, but on the rare occasion I do a dismemberment, I always dispose of any parts cleanly and responsibly, so you won’t even see the parts!)

yes I’m still going on about dating preferences because it’s the main way I’m oppressed and I’m cross about it okay

You know, if SKERFs would give me a chance and date me, I think they’d find my fluid identity is a plus. I’m a sexy man of mystery! ^_-
Besides, they’re always saying they love a man in uniform, and I’m always beating random uniformed staff into unconsciousness, borrowing their clothes and documents and identifying as them.

And if you say “that doesn’t count, no matter what clothes you wear and what name you use, I don’t see you as John Smith, security guard, I still see you as Gaspar Milligan, stranglewank hitman, and I don’t want to date a murderer”, then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

That is invalidating my identity. It is essentialist, it is problematic and it is exclusionary. And it’s insulting my disguise skills – I had everyone else in the building convinced long enough for me to murder their boss and escape, so why can’t YOU see me as my preferred identity? PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON HITMEN END UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE THAMES, FEET ENCASED IN CONCRETE. It’s all your fault and you should feel bad.
Feminism will include men, regardless of murder history, or it will be bullshit.

Anyway if any REAL feminists (ie not SKERFy bitch cunt whore (I’m allowed to say that word because I’m a sex worker) scum) out there want to date me, just use the Ask box or leave a coded message in the Evening Standard letters page
😘

Clarification: WHY your dating preferences are discriminatory

Okay so I got a lot of complaints from SKERFs about my post “your dating preferences are discriminatory”. Well, really just one complaint – “if women don’t want to date a serial killer that’s their choice and you should respect that, blah blah blah mner ner ner (bitchy whiny PMS-ing SKERF voice)” – and I’d like to address it.
The point is, it’s erasing and invalidating my identity. I don’t identify as a hitman, when I’m on a job I identify myself as a security guard, a janitor, an admin assistant or whatever else I’m disguised as at the time. You don’t TELL the target you’re there to murder them, this is really basic (and I shouldn’t have to educate you about it!).
When fake feminists say they don’t want to date a serial killer, they’re saying they see me as a serial killer and not as whatever I say I am. And that’s terrible and they should feel bad!