Did you know that, in most countries, it is perfectly legal to be murdered, but illegal to commit murder and to place a hit? It doesn’t make any sense! O___o?
This legal peculiarity is called the Nordic Model, and it causes me no end of problems. By criminalising one side of the transaction, the whole contract killing industry is driven underground. We hitmen (and hit-non-men) need full legalisation, and immunity for our clients! The industry could be taxed and regulated, to make sure we did nice, clean, humane kills – like my strangulation work, and unlike Dmitry’s usual MO of drowning the target in the nearest toilet. (No class, that man.)
The system has clearly failed in the Nordic countries for which it is named. There is a long and very popular trend of exciting “Scandi-noir” murder fiction, which I think suggests that there’s a real appetite for change.
Support full legalisation of the murder industry, please! ^_^
Tag: decriminalisation
Lovely, tolerant *~Amsterdam~*
Sorry I’ve been out of contact for a little while, frxends and allies! Dmitry’s been trying to avoid having his head kicked in by Wee Malkie, and, similarly, I’ve been trying to avoid Madison, the CIA assassin and non-man whom I don’t find attractive and yet keeps trying to talk to me. It’s awkward and upsetting.
So we decided to get away for a well-earned city break, and hopped on the Eurostar to Amsterdam. It’s a much more liberal, tolerant city than London. It’s world-famous for acceptance of the violence industry. Hitmen can operate much more freely – we even managed to mix business and pleasure and do a little bit of short-term contracting while we were there.
I had a bit of a kerfuffle with the electrics there. Trust me to forget to bring my European adaptor… -_-;; We sorted it with a penknife and a bit of electrical tape though, only a temporary setback!
Every year, thousands of tourists and workers come from miles around to enjoy Amsterdam’s violence industry, whether it’s settling vendettas, negotiating contracts or trying out fun, new torture techniques that we just don’t get in our stuffy old home countries.
Dmitry took this nice photo of us outside the Amsterdam Dungeon! ^_^
It’s a happy, cheerful celebration of torture and execution, if a bit silly. Dmitry didn’t think it was gory enough, but I enjoyed it.
Important advice for tourists: On the eastern side of the city, there’s a bunch of boring, worthy memorials and museums depicting torture and execution as a bad thing. A lot of the Netherlands and Dutch East Indies were occupied by the Nazis and Imperial Japan in WWII, and the invading armies killed a lot of the local people and subjected them to much the same things we do in our industry, which are apparently “war crimes” or something O_o??
But that’s all in the past, and is nothing like Amsterdam’s thriving violence industry today! Mainly because there isn’t a war on, and the police won’t try to stop you.
So if you stay away from all the boring stuff, and stick to the central districts where all the best violence is, you won’t feel guilty! ^_^ Have fun!
#NotYourRescueProject
After seeing Guro onto his flight back home at Heathrow, I got myself some breakfast and Bombay Sapphire in the Three Bells. As I ate, I idly wondered how Screwdriver Smith’s getting on in prison. He’s currently serving a 35-year sentence for a string of killings, apparently committed with some kind of short bladed weapon.
Being the social media-savvy chap I am, I looked him up. I don’t know if Screws has Internet access in Belmarsh, but he’ll be happy to know his business empire is doing great! I found one of his employees, Manish, on Twitter:
I haven’t seen Manish or heard anything from him in ages, so I’m glad to see he’s alright! I was worried about him, after Screws had him roughed up for making a mistake and not ordering enough CS gas and stun guns for him. Well, judging by his Twitter bio, his English has clearly improved a lot in the few months since then, so hopefully it won’t happen again.
And Screws must have promoted him pretty fast, he certainly didn’t smoke cigars when I last saw him. 🤑
Good for him!
😊
I absolutely love that hashtag too: #NotYourRescueProject! What a great rallying cry for our industry!
People often criticise me for being privileged and unrepresentative of the violence industry overall, but Manish is a person of colour and used to operate at a much lower rank than me (he was Screws’s bagman, last I heard), and his Twitter says he loves his job.
So I’m very happy to be able to use him as an example to shut down criticism! ^_^ As he requested in his bio, I’ll leave him alone and not bother checking up on him. I’m such a good ally to him.
Parliament’s inquiry into the sex industry is misguided and one-sided
Today I am very happy and validated, because I found a rare article in the liberal news media that actually supports the sexualised violence industry: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/oct/26/pop-up-brothels-inquiry-one-sided-sex-workers-criminalisation-nordic-model Yay! ^_^
“An investigation into “pop-up brothels” – short-term lets in which people sell sex – was launched by the all-party parliamentary group on prostitution on Monday…
From its outset the inquiry has distanced itself from the living,
breathing people who sell sex. The UK’s estimated 80,000 sex workers are
reduced to “prostituted women”, their work seen solely as “commercial sexual exploitation”. There seems little room for nuance.”
How dare the government reduce empowered, independent sex workers to mere victims or survivors? Suggesting that any of us suffer violence or don’t consent to our careers is offensive! I love my job, and no amount of trafficking victims and their lived experience can ever erase that.
“The UK desperately needs further inquiries into the sex industry. We
need to know the extent to which austerity is driving women into
prostitution, we need to look honestly at whether immigration policies
create the conditions for trafficking. There is a still a huge gap in
knowledge around the basic makeup of the industry; we need statistics on
who works, where they work, and how.”
Weeell, that’s maybe going a bit too far. How are we supposed to celebrate everyone’s free choice to enter the industry if we investigate whether or not some people are forced into it by poverty or trafficking? (And anyway, how would it affect me? I don’t care whether or not other people are forced into it, that’s their problem.)
In fact, the inquiry’s terms of reference indicate that it is interested
only in “pop-up brothels”, in particular those run by criminal gangs.
That’s better. If we’re interested in finding out about pimping or trafficking, we shouldn’t be looking into criminal gangs. I used to work for a so-called “criminal gang”, and I consented to everything we did! Apart from a couple of times when Sid “The Snake” made me do a hit that we hadn’t agreed on
By narrowing the goalposts of who will be deemed representative of the
industry, the parliamentary group has ensured the vast majority of
workers are silenced.
See? The vast majority of workers don’t work in pop-up brothels or for criminal gangs! I don’t know when this research was done (given the huge gap in knowledge around the basic makeup of the industry) but it’s good to know.
Sex workers don’t use the cringeworthy, hipster term “pop-up brothel”,
but working from short-term lets is common. Either independently or for
managers, sex workers travel for work.
The author is a good ally. I’m always pleased to see the correct language being used, “manager” instead of “pimp” or “handler”, and “sex worker” instead of “trafficking victim” or “stranglewank hitman”.
“Pop-up brothels”, in as much as they exist, are so demonstrably an
effect of criminalisation, this inquiry has already shot itself in the
foot.
This is exactly the reason I have to keep moving to new safehouses, to avoid arrest and prosecution for committing murders. And my clients are always having to pay off or avoid the police, to stop them arresting them for hiring me! Clients who pay for murders, and clients who pay for sex under economic coercion, should be decriminalised!
That exploitation happens in sex work is disputed by no one, least of all sex workers. And danger only increases when people are unable to work from a stable base.
Not to judge our clients or anything; they’re perfectly nice people who shouldn’t be criminalised. But yes, sometimes they do try to “silence” me, or threaten to break my legs if I don’t do a job for them, or refuse to pay me. That still doesn’t mean they deserve to be criminalised though! Really, to blame any one group of people in particular for the danger and exploitation would be wrong. I wouldn’t want anyone to think badly of our clients, managers or agencies. (Though if you’re going to blame someone, blame the mean, bitchy, dried-up old “feminists” who want to send those nice people to prison!)
Worryingly, the parliamentary group has not made links with any
sex-worker-led organisations, and no current sex workers have been
included in framing the initial terms of reference.
I’ve been saying this for a long time now. If someone’s not currently involved in the industry, they have no stake in the issue, since it doesn’t affect them any more. Being a sex worker doesn’t cause any lasting harm, so why should it still affect them?
Each member is strongly in favour of criminalisation in the form of the Nordic model – in which anyone paying for sex is a criminal, and sex workers bodies’ become, by definition, scenes of a crime. This despite sex-worker-led organisations around the world
criticising the approach. The Nordic model adds another layer of
criminalisation to the transaction – so anyone who supports it supports
criminalisation.
Emphasis mine. If you support criminalising me and my clients, you support criminalising my targets! I’m sure everyone agrees it would be ridiculous to criminalise a murder victim, so why would you criminalise me for committing it or my clients for hiring me? Same goes for all crimes, you can’t criminalise the perpetrator without criminalising the victim. That’s just how the legal system works.
We need balance not bigotry. Not one member of the parliamentary group
will be affected by the results of this inquiry, but thousands of sex
workers will. Why, yet again, are so many being excluded?
Well, fortunately, I frequent many of the same clubs as Members of Parliament and drink in the same bars, so hopefully I’ll be able to influence them a bit!
😉
And if any sex workers want to criminalise their clients (e.g. workers who are trafficked or economically coerced or addicted to drugs or underage), perhaps they could also write a nice article for The Guardian, or use their influence and contacts to put both sides of the issue to the government.
Thank-you for your allyship!
🤗
I’ll do my best to influence the government to support decriminalising our lovely clients!
Some affirming, encouraging art for my fellow sexualised murder workers out there. Remember, you are valid!
And for allies, a friendly reminder: DECRIMINALISE ⚖️ THE MURDER 🔫
INDUSTRY 💲 INCLUDING OUR CLIENTS 👥 NOW! ⏰
It’s 2017 and I’m STILL having to explain my work
So my old Yakuza friend Guro Kagaisha was in town to launder some money through the London property market. So we met up and went for a drink, and he said, “Hey Gaspar, remind me what it is you do again?”
“Well, Guro,” said I, “I’m a sex worker specialising in extreme breath play.”
“Oh, yeah, I remember now, you’re a stranglewank hitman,” said he, not very politically correctly, I might add. “So, let me ask you this: do you guys actually give the target a handbeezy or just make it look like you did?”
I was seriously grumpy at that point. It is not my job to educate Guro or anybody, but on this one occasion I said, “buy me a treble Langley’s and a packet of sea salt and balsamic vinegar Kettle Chips and I shall consider doing the emotional labour for you”.
Anyway, as I said to Guro after he’d bought me the required compensation for my emotional labour: I do not “actually give the target a handbeezy”, no. Nor do I make it look as though I did. I choke the target to death, and then I make it look as though the target did it to himself/herself/xorself by accident during a sexual misadventure. The only sexual aspect to it is when I arrange the body post-mortem and put the corpse’s own hand down his/her/xer chinos.
“So,” said Guro, taking a sip of his whisky, “you don’t really do any sex shit then?”
“No, Guro, I do not really do any sex shit,” I sighed.
“So you’re not a sex worker, then, are you?”
Well, I had had just about enough of his gatekeeping, invalidating bullshit by then. How dare he challenge my status as a sex worker?
I AM a sex worker. Sure, I’m not actually selling sex or exposing myself in any way, but what I am selling is the fantasy of erotic asphyxiation. I sell that fantasy to the target’s contacts, and to the police. And that gives me an interest in the industry and the right to speak over people who don’t have inside knowledge about the industry (e.g. former sex workers, survivors, trafficking victims who aren’t involved in it any more and hence have no stake in the issue whatsoever, people still in the industry who don’t want to be there, and people who disagree with me about full legalisation of the sexual violence industry).
Anyway, fortunately, Guro is very good at self-crit. When he was a hitbaby and made a mistake on a job, he even cut off bits of his fingers as part of his self-critting for his boss! What a great ally! ^_^ So he said a big sorry to me and we hung around outside Bank-Monument station for a bit, where he bought me a few grams of coke as compensation for hurting my feelings and invalidating my identity.
So now we’re friends again! 🙂 We’re going to spend the rest of his visit buying houses, planning how to get revenge on Dmitry for poisoning me with polonium (even if it did result in my super edgy new trendsetting fashionqueering haircut), and I’ll introduce him to my pet pigs. Should be a nice relaxing week.
Thank you for your support, Aslef, we tried u_u
I feel so disappointed today. A train drivers’ union, Aslef, proposed a motion to the TUC to decriminalise the sexual violence industry, and the TUC rejected it:
I just do not have the spoons to deal with this right now (I thought I had some spoons left over from cooking heroin to stage an “accidental” drug overdose, but I forgot about the ones I used for an eye-gouging last week, which are in the dishwasher). I cannot believe the TUC would be so intolerant.
Moving the motion, which called upon the TUC to support the New Zealand
model of full decriminalisation, Aslef assistant general secretary Simon Weller said: “Decriminalisation was introduced in New Zealand in 2003, with verifiable success.”
Well said! The verifiable success is all in the data:
Acts intended to cause injury, sexual assault and related offences, abduction, and offences against the person, all hugely increased, even despite crimes overall decreasing slightly – which is great news for go-getting, entrepreneurial types like me! The market is clearly growing for us contractors, they’re going to need to outsource it at some point.
(Chart from here, warning, it’s some kind of extremist SKERF site but ironically they prove my point: https://nordicmodelnow.org/2016/08/11/meme-about-new-zealand-since-the-full-decriminalisation-of-the-sex-trade/ Stats here: http://nzdotstat.stats.govt.nz/wbos/Index.aspx?DataSetCode=TABLECODE7407 )
anyway back to the article:
He argued that adopting of the model would also help to “free up police time.”
Can’t argue with that – it would certainly free up their time if the police stopped investigating my work. It’d save me time as well, because I wouldn’t have to worry about leaving fingerprints or making the scene look like a convincing choke-’n’-stroke, it’s win-win. Literally nobody is disadvantaged by this. Except the target, of course, but assassinations are an inevitability, murder has been around since the dawn of time, killing someone and taking their stuff is the oldest profession. You may as well regulate the industry instead of wasting police time on trying to prosecute us.
[some random SKERF] said that Crown Prosecution Service “guidance says that it is not
illegal to sell sex in a brothel. What is illegal is to manage or
control others working in a brothel.”
Okay, listen, sweety – you clearly don’t understand how the sex industry works. It’s not illegal for my targets to get murdered in a sexualised fashion, but it is illegal for me to murder them, and it is also illegal for our clients to hire us. If you criminalise one side of the transaction, you criminalise the entire industry. Is that what you want? I can’t believe these people, it’s not my job to educate them. (it’s my job to do kinky murders – remember, £10k in used notes or into my Swiss bank account, message me for the account number and sort code and give me the target)
“A third of women in the sex industry enter before the age of 18.” And
Ms Harvey pointed out that a common request from sex-purchasers is “give
me the youngest one you’ve got.”
Well, I don’t have experience in any other areas of the sex industry, but assuming that my experience is representative of the whole (and why wouldn’t it be?): the reason we get under-18s involved is they can gain the target’s trust and then let us in to do the actual job. I bet you’ve never even heard of “Léon: The Professional”, you ignorant SKERF.
On the bright side, thank you, Aslef, for advocating for us. I must admit, a train drivers’ union is a very surprising ally to the extreme breath play specialists – what could our industries possibly have in common? But then I remembered, there was that incident a while ago when I pushed a target onto the Central Line. My bad! ^_^;; I didn’t expect him to leave work so early that day, so I had to finish the job on his commute. I honestly did not expect it to make such a mess either. I felt very bad about it and was sure to self-crit afterwards. I will offer a discount by way of an apology. Mr. Weller, you get one free hit on me, just PM me the target’s details. I promise I will stick to my usual method for it too, no trains this time! UwU
Stranglewank Hitman 