4 Ways to Centre Hitmen in Reproductive Justice

So recently I found out that the feminist movement has been primarily focused on assigned-female-at-births when it comes to reproductive justice and rights over pregnancy. Which is great and all, but I don’t really see how it helps me? As an identity-fluid assigned-male-at-birth, I have compiled a short list to make changes in the reproductive justice movement to centre me. Hopefully, with more education and by shifting the focus off women and onto us identity-fluid men, these pro-choicers can be real feminists and do something to help us for once!

Hopefully, by educating and applying these tips to reproductive justice, we can open up many more possibilities to men in our industry.

1. Affordable and Free Sperm Banking Options

My doctor (bwim my GP, not Mr Stone, the disgraced surgeon who fixes my bullet wounds no questions asked) told me that my “chronic cocaine and alcohol abuse” (his words, not mine) would lead to a low sperm count. If I’d been told this earlier, back when I was at university, I would have had my sperm frozen before I chose to take drugs!

And no, I’m not going to quit anytime soon, it’s an essential part of my identity. At university (Carradine College, Oxford), I had to take coke as part of my initiation into the Brutus Club, where I made a lot of my connections for my future career as an assassin. And now I’m just an occasional user, it’s not like I keep a diary or anything.

I’d like to see that same passion and dedication that feminists show to women and girls who’ve been impregnated or sterilised, to providing me with reproductive options.

2. Protecting Hitmen from Violence

This seems like an obvious one, but we can’t reproduce if we’re murdered. We face an incredibly high risk of violence in our careers – rarely a day goes by without hearing of a fellow assassin ending up shot in the back of the head through a burlap sack and dumped on top of a freight train going to Inverness. And personally, I’ve been shot at and threatened with violence on quite a few occasions.

And who’s to blame for this? Women! So sort it out, feminists!

3. Making Sure You’re on the Pill

I might get a woman to have kids for me one day – perhaps when I’m too old for this game, I could teach them the trade – but not right now. It’s a big concern in my line of work, because sometimes I have to seduce women to convince them to let me into my target’s space, or to alibi me. I always carry condoms (if I have to make a speedy getaway into the Thames, I have to keep my coke supply dry), but I want to be really careful, and I don’t want to have to go through pregnancy and childbirth right now, so please, take your Pills!

4. Cleaning Up Bodily Fluids

Semen’s not the only fluid that contains genetic material. We can be identified by blood, sweat, saliva, all sorts. So if you happen to walk in on a hit taking place, you can be an ally by first, keeping quiet, and secondly, help to “clean the scene”. Women are naturally good at cleaning, so that’s a great way you can bring your feminine skills and qualities to your activism.

I hope all that has helped to educate you, and that you will focus on us in future, instead of uneducatedly and ignorantly focusing on women! ^_^

Dating preferences, redux

I know I’ve posted about this before, but it’s a big issue. Lots of assigned-females-at-birth say they don’t want to date a serial killer. And, whether they intend to be bigoted and preferential or not, it’s a cultural norm that clearly discriminates against hitmen.

Now, I said this a while ago, and since then, I’m glad to say there’s been some improvement! ^_^ First, Big Dave said he’d set me up with his sister Lorraine… if I could take care of her ex-husband, Scary Steve, for her. And then there was a very nice lady called Sandra who’d been writing letters to me when I was on remand, and said she wanted to meet to cheer me up… but only if her friend came along too, and we met in a public place.

This just shows how deep the problem goes! I don’t want to be a pity date, and I don’t want our relationship to be based on what I can offer.

So, obviously, I’ll have to clarify for yal’l: Refusing to date assassins is discriminatory. But also if you’re not going to put out, don’t waste my time.

That’s how you can be a good ally! ^_^

(also, Lorraine, I will kill Scary Steve for you, but it’ll be the usual ten grand, I’m afraid. I don’t offer mates’ rates. Though afterwards, we could go and get a drink, or go to the cinema? I think John Wick 2 is still showing, you’ll have to buy the tickets though, since all my British bank accounts have been frozen, and, well, it’s just the decent thing to do as an ally. I shall have a large pick-n-mix with strawberry laces, chocolate raisins and flumps, and a gin miniature too. Can you remember all that? See you there! ^_^)

rileyjaydennis:

Setting up a sex swing & inflatable dildo thing

🍆

I love the harness!
😍

Lots of mean old AFABs call me “creepy” or “skeevy” or a “homicidal fucking psychopath” (an ableist slur, bt-dubs) just because I get off on restraining, assaulting and then murdering people. I always enjoyed having power over victims since I was a boy, killing ants in the back garden with a magnifying glass, and tying up the neighbours’ cat. “Do what you love”, the mercifully open-minded careers advisor at my alma mater (Carradine College, Oxford) said to me, and so I became a hitman.
And as shown here, restraining and disabling someone’s limbs so you can give them a “hard pounding” (I assume they mean with a hammer, tactical baton or improvised weapon) is a natural, healthy, fun thing to do! Look, it’s presented right alongside boring old toys for “genital stimulation” (apparently some people like that? 🤷‍♂️).

So stop judging me for getting off on violence. It’s anti-feminist (Everyday Feminism says so), and it makes me feel sad and left out. Harnesses and restraints are a great idea, especially for people new to the industry who are still working on their quick kill techniques. What a great idea for any #hitbabies out there! UwU

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

Join Project #SaveEF

evrydayfeminism:

Everyday Feminism is in trouble, y’all. Here’s the bad news – and what it means for you.

JOIN PROJECT #SAVEEF

I’m asking all my followers and former clients to please support great, validating feminist media that is REAL feminism, i.e. inclusive of sadism, sex work legalisation and acceptance, and heterosexual queer-identified men with unusual haircuts such as my good self.

I can’t actually tag any of my clients in this because of the huge stigma against hiring sexualised murder workers (if I named any of them, they could even face prison! That’s why we need decriminalisation now!) But they know how to contact me, and they had a spare £10k to spend on my services, so I’m sure they’ll dig deep to support a great cause!

Join Project #SaveEF

And another thing

Excluding someone from your dating pool just because he/she/they has a history of murdering people is essentialist and prejudiced, because it’s usually based on the assumption that he/she/xie is going to murder YOU next. As if that’s the MOST important thing in the relationship and it just HAS to revolve around his/her/zar murder history.

Challenge your assumptions, folx! It’s really not that important. Personally, I only commit contract killings, so I’d never bring my work home with me (unless a client put a hit on my date of course, but that’s never happened in my whole career).

Why not try dating a murder worker? You might be surprised to find it’s not the dealbreaker you thought it was! Remember, we’re attracted to hearts, not parts! ❤ (Taking parts isn’t my usual MO, but on the rare occasion I do a dismemberment, I always dispose of any parts cleanly and responsibly, so you won’t even see the parts!)

yes I’m still going on about dating preferences because it’s the main way I’m oppressed and I’m cross about it okay

You know, if SKERFs would give me a chance and date me, I think they’d find my fluid identity is a plus. I’m a sexy man of mystery! ^_-
Besides, they’re always saying they love a man in uniform, and I’m always beating random uniformed staff into unconsciousness, borrowing their clothes and documents and identifying as them.

And if you say “that doesn’t count, no matter what clothes you wear and what name you use, I don’t see you as John Smith, security guard, I still see you as Gaspar Milligan, stranglewank hitman, and I don’t want to date a murderer”, then YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

That is invalidating my identity. It is essentialist, it is problematic and it is exclusionary. And it’s insulting my disguise skills – I had everyone else in the building convinced long enough for me to murder their boss and escape, so why can’t YOU see me as my preferred identity? PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON HITMEN END UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE THAMES, FEET ENCASED IN CONCRETE. It’s all your fault and you should feel bad.
Feminism will include men, regardless of murder history, or it will be bullshit.

Anyway if any REAL feminists (ie not SKERFy bitch cunt whore (I’m allowed to say that word because I’m a sex worker) scum) out there want to date me, just use the Ask box or leave a coded message in the Evening Standard letters page
😘

Clarification: WHY your dating preferences are discriminatory

Okay so I got a lot of complaints from SKERFs about my post “your dating preferences are discriminatory”. Well, really just one complaint – “if women don’t want to date a serial killer that’s their choice and you should respect that, blah blah blah mner ner ner (bitchy whiny PMS-ing SKERF voice)” – and I’d like to address it.
The point is, it’s erasing and invalidating my identity. I don’t identify as a hitman, when I’m on a job I identify myself as a security guard, a janitor, an admin assistant or whatever else I’m disguised as at the time. You don’t TELL the target you’re there to murder them, this is really basic (and I shouldn’t have to educate you about it!).
When fake feminists say they don’t want to date a serial killer, they’re saying they see me as a serial killer and not as whatever I say I am. And that’s terrible and they should feel bad!

Stills from a sex education video I did in association with Everyday Feminism, and Cain and Abel Hunting Supplies. Advice for newbies in the extreme breath play BDSM industry!

I don’t think I missed out anything important. Is there anything would-be assassins need to know about staying safe and not getting themselves seriously injured?

Anyway, use the offer code GASPAR to get 50% off all handguns and hunting knives and free shipping while stocks last!

Your dating preferences are discriminatory

This whole thing with Ruth has given me some perspective on how discriminatory and bigoted a lot of assigned-female-at-births can be about their dating preferences.
Did you know on Internet dating sites, AFABs’ number one fear is that their date will turn out to be a serial killer? As if that’s a bad thing!
Where on earth did this idea that women can “set boundaries” and “have preferences” come from? It makes me feel sad and excluded, and that is oppression!

If there are any women in the London area who are real feminists and understand that real feminism must be inclusive of everyone, including homicidal men, please do say hello ^_-