YASSSSS, SLAY ❤
Tag: queer theory
“Not queer like gay. Queer like escaping definition. Queer like some sort of fluidity and limitlessness at once. Queer like a freedom too strange to be conquered. Queer like the fearlessness to imagine what love can look like…and pursue it.”
—Brandon Wint
This is great, especially the first one. “Not queer like gay”. Being a person of fluid identity (sometimes I identify as a janitor, sometimes I identify as a security guard, etc.), I do consider myself to be queer, and therefore it’s okay for me to use that word. (Besides, they call each other that.)
But I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and assume I’m gay. It’s difficult enough picking up women as it is, usually we get a few dates in and then when I tell them I’m a hitman they either ghost me or run screaming 😥
So I’ll say it loud and proud: I’m QUEER and NOT GAY! ❤
Hey
Asexuals can experience coercive heteronormativity!
That doesn’t make them any less ace. It doesn’t make them any less valid.
asexuals aren’t real
This means there are two explanations:
A) I, as well as 1% of the population, do not exist. We are mythical creatures known only in song and story. This post doesn’t exist because I never made it because I’m not real.
B) You are a fool and need to reevaluate your opinions and the way you treat people different from yourself.
the answer is A..
The answer is A…
Guys I’m not real
This is actually a really useful and valid tactic. I’ve used it before
when trying to get people to accept my identity.
I say, “Hello, I’m from
the gas board, I’m here to read the gas meter,”
and they say “But they
sent a guy last week”,
and I say “You sure about that?”
and they say “Yup, they left a card and everything”,
and I say “Uh, well, I guess I just don’t exist
then?? Either A) I don’t exist, or B) you’re mistaken. Which is it?”
And then I stare at them pointedly until they concede and let me into the premises.
And, well, then I do the hit, you know the rest.
I’ve taken to calling it “gas-lighting”, because
it’s one of the “lighter” techniques I use when convincing people, and because I often pose as a gas technician. (What can I say? When you look as good as I do in blue boiler suits, it’d be a crime not to! ^_^ )
The Kink Umbrella
Lately I’ve been self-analysing and considering my identity with a critical lens, and I’m wondering if I could truly be classed as a “kinkster”. The kink umbrella is a broad movement, inclusive of just about everyone with an interest in bondage, domination, submission, sadism, abuse, wife beating or pain play.
But, and here’s the crucial thing: my interest in pain and bondage isn’t sexual. Sure, I enjoy my career, of course, but to me it’s just a job. And it really is a job just like any other: as we say in our industry, “Wet Work Is Work”! ^_^ (Really, my personal preference is pyrophilia, but that’s a story for another time.)
So, my question is, am I valid? Please tell me I’m valid. I mean, I identify as a valid kinkster and I am a queer-identified heterosexual, but is that enough??
I pushed the button.
At last: a movement that prioritises me and my struggle! As a queer-identified, heterosexual man with a penchant for BDSM and an alternative haircut, it’s about time lesbians and gays made room for me.
On many occasions, my identity has been challenged and invalidated (“hey, you’re not my usual driver, wh-aaaarghrghrgh” is one I hear a lot). I’ve been shamed for my “pathological obsession with violence”, my “complete lack of empathy”, and my “celebration and normalisation of violent behaviour”. Let’s just say that that particular lawyer for the prosecution was very problematic, and leave it at that
The point is, queer people such as myself have suffered long. Current attitudes to sexuality almost never involve money or violence, so hitmen like me are very progressive and we transgress cultural norms. Unfortunately, given the nature of our work, we have to be secretive about it and hide our authentic selves. TT_TT So I’m glad I have some allies who are willing to do the work for me, and support me instead of gays and lesbians! ^_^
Some mean, exclusionary gays and lesbians say that my identity is a choice, unlike their sexuality, and that apparently justifies them excluding me and having their own movement all about their rights. Well, it’s not true – I did not choose my interesting, super trendy haircut, Dmitry spiked my macchiato with polonium and it just went like this over the course of a few days. I don’t think the patchy bits are going to grow back. Anyway, Guro and I finally got him back, we stole a load of heroin from Wee Malkie and pinned the blame on Dmitry, so he’s had to move house suddenly and go into hiding! Serves him right! -_-
I am FURIOUS about being excluded from the London queer scene. Earlier, I fancied leaving my flat to drink for a change, and (since I’m meant to be keeping a low profile after the recent incident with the ambassador and the thumbscrews) I decided to try a new drinking den instead of my usual elite clubs.
So naturally, being an identity-fluid kinkster, I headed for the nearest queer bar. Except it was apparently only for those intolerant, mean gay men (and, even worse, lesbians). No sooner had I started chatting about my work and my lust for violence than they ejected me from the premises!
How rude. There’s gratitude for you, eh? Violent heterosexual men with weird fetishes BUILT this community. Look it up, the great men of London were into all kinds of shit. I won’t provide sources, but I know for a FACT that Brunel was a sado-masochist switch.
Let me into your spaces
I’m so done with fake queers (eg gays, lesbians) policing my queer identity. I’m NOT GAY (louder for the people at the back! also hello ladies 😉 ) but I am just as valid as any other queer (that’s why I’m allowed to say that word). What could possibly be queerer than a kinky violent straight man with an edgy haircut? Answer me that one!
Please let ickle heterosexual me into your spaces. Sometimes I need a safehouse and I cba setting up my own. Plus, I need to get into my targets’ spaces to do my job, and I’m not as good at breaking locks as I used to be. Not without a stiff gin anyway.
“mom, dad… I’m not non-queer”
What makes this article problematic is that it perpetuates the queer/heterosexual binary. I’m heterosexual, and I identify as queer! The reason is, I’m a sex worker, I do sadistic kinky murders for a living, and sex work, kink and BDSM are inherently queer (and therefore I’m allowed to say that word). Our mainstream, Western cultural view of sexuality hardly ever involves violence or money, and therefore by bucking those trends, I am queer.
At least that’s how I understand it.
😕
I don’t know if homosexual or bisexual people’s lives entirely revolve around fetishizing violence,
but mine certainly does, so if doesn’t centre it, then it’s excluding me, and that’s clearly wrong for so many reasons.
Apart from that, I entirely agree with the article. I’m not non-queer; I am a brave, beautiful, straight man who likes to kill people and make it look like an auto-erotic asphyxiation, and I am proud to be myself!
😊
Screwdriver Smith sent me a letter in the snail mail today! (see first pic) I like it, it’s a bit retro and edgy.
I’ve put some effort into doing a nice reply to him. (see second pic) What do we think? I used some glitter and flowers and cute stickers to queer gender norms, and therefore be subversive and progressive and empowering. Yes, I am a heterosexual male who put some glitter on a piece of paper, and that’s completely okay!
🏳️🌈
This morning, I was a little concerned to find my hair was coming out in clumps. Turns out that complete spunktrumpet Dmitry has been putting polonium in my macchiato, “as a joke”. Well, the joke’s on him, because now my hair properly expresses my alternative lifestyle and transgressive identity. So suck on that, SKERFs! Feminism will be inclusive of straight white men with unusual haircuts or it will be bullshit.
Stranglewank Hitman 