^THISSSS, Y’ALL. TERFs are usually SKERFs as well (they both object to my right to identify as an innocent bystander or member of household staff for the purposes of getting close to my targets).
People are NOT just attracted to genitals. Personally, I don’t see what all the fuss is about with genitals anyway. I’m heterosexual, but if you must know, I’m somewhat attracted to the power trip when you have complete control over whether someone lives or dies (hence why I got into this industry), but tbh, primarily, I’m attracted to fire.
There’s nothing quite like enjoying some romantic candlelight with a sexual partner (generally an assigned-female-at-birth or just my good self). Watching the flames flicker and dance, curling around the wick, winking at me in the darkness, teasing me in ways that no woman ever could. At least, until whichever nasty cow I’m with at the time shames me by saying “what are you staring at? no, seriously, why can’t you ever look at me during sex?”.
Sometimes I like to build a small fire and touch and stroke the flames. They lick round my fingers like a hungry animal, blistering my skin as if they want to strip it from me. I obediently disrobe for them, shedding my blood-stained clothes and any documentary evidence of my murders, and they take them greedily. The fire eats away all the evidence of my sin, it always forgives me, and as it fades away to glowing embers, I am made pure and innocent again.
It speaks only in soothing, crackling whispers, and never uses the wrong pronouns for me or has any opinions I don’t like – or any opinions or thoughts at all, for that matter! It’s a beautiful, mindless object and I decide whether it grows or dies, as I feed it or neglect it. My perfect lover.
Even when I’m trying to interact with an assigned-female-at-birth’s genitals, I can only think about fire. I try not to show it, but the judgemental bitch is always like “is everything alright?” when I run out of matches and can’t get it up. Truth is, I’m just not interested in human contact or a partner’s body in the same way.
So it’s good to know that most people, except for TERFs and the morally equivalent sexual harassers, agree with me that genitals aren’t important for sex! ALL SEXUALITY IS NORMAL AND HEALTHY, including pyrophilia, and definitely excluding anyone who’s only interested in people with particular sorts of genitals!
Another article in my #hitbabies series! I’m going to teach you a bit about the profession.
When it comes to your target’s body, it’s important that you have the facts. With that sentiment in mind, I’m here to lay it all out for you when it comes to strangulation.
It’s important that we talk about all kinds of violent murders, because not everyone is doing, or wants to have, “non-violent” careers. If you don’t want to kill people, but your agency is pressuring you into it, or someone more powerful than you is blackmailing you to make you do a hit, it’s helpful to know the facts.
If you’re not comfortable reading about murder, that’s perfectly OK, too, but it would make you a murderphobic, intolerant, old-fashioned SKERF, so, your choice.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff on the Internet about murder, but what about young people? What about the so-called “child soldiers” who need to know about this for their job (and who are entirely consenting to a career in the murder industry)?
This is strangulation 101, for youngsters, beginners, and all inquisitive folk.
Why strangulation? Strangulation, though often stigmatised, is a perfectly natural way to kill. Seriously, animals in the wild kill by compressing their prey’s throat, and boa constrictors kill by asphyxiation. So if you’re a little worried about trying it or can’t understand why anyone would do it, just know that you’re in the minority and you’re wrong.
That being said, strangulation is not enjoyed by everyone, particularly the target, and that’s OK.
The appeal of strangulation when the target has a laryngeal prominence For targets with a laryngeal prominence, you can have a great and easy experience by using their laryngeal prominence as a guide for placement of your ligature.
First of all: What is a laryngeal prominence? It is a piece of cartilage over the larynx, also known as the “Adam’s apple”, It feels like a solid, small bulge.
The appeal of strangulation when the target does not have a laryngeal prominence Just because the target doesn’t have a laryngeal prominence does not mean murder is off-limits. In theory, violence against non-laryngeal prominence owners is taboo, but in practice, it’s actually considered quite normal and encouraged. Many laryngeal prominence owners love committing violence against non-laryngeal proninence owners and often get away with it, or even pressure the target into letting them do it! (If you’re reading this and you’re a non-laryngeal prominence owner and you don’t want to be choked, what’s wrong with you, you mean old SKERF?)
[edit: Safety I forgot to mention this bit – make sure you use gloves and protect your hands. If you’re using piano wire without protection, you could cut through your own fingers, so don’t do that. Also the target might fight back or summon their goons and kill you, and you might get arrested and get life in prison or executed depending on your local laws. But whatever, that stuff’s boring and unglamorous, so back to the fun stuff!]
Start slow – seriously Here is the real deal. You can’t just decide you’re going to kill someone one day and then go for it.
Nope. Not a great idea. If you want to make the kill look like it was self-inflicted, like an auto-erotic asphyxiation, you need to start slowly. Silence the target first by compressing the
larynx, gently. You don’t want to leave marks at this point. Start with
your hand or arm, then use your ligature.
remember to place the ligature above the larynx (use the laryngeal prominence as a guide, if the target owns one), and pull the ligature up and under the mandible.
If you’re in a hurry and you’re not concerned about getting caught after the fact, you can skip straight to the ligature strangulation. Slip it over the target’s head and pull hard and quickly so they can’t shout for back-up.
Yes, there might be some blood Forgive me for waiting until the very end of this piece to get to this burning question, but I wanted you to know the benefits and positives when it comes to strangulation. Because there are many! I want to personally assure you that you will not get covered in blood during strangulation. Sure, there are horror stories about people getting murdered and abused, and killing somehow being a bad thing, but aren’t there always? Who cares about those victims, right? They just weren’t doing it right, or they weren’t open-minded enough to enjoy the violence!
That being said, yes, if you’re using a thin wire, you might cut the target and come into contact with some blood. You are cutting the carotid artery. It is where blood flows. It’s NOT a big deal. Everybody bleeds. Everyone has a circulatory system.
Murder can be awesome, and if you want to give it a go, you do that. More power to you.
This article has been updated to include the importance of using protection during strangulation and not accidentally cutting your own fingers off or being murdered in self-defence by the target or being caught by law enforcement. Whoops!
Oh fuck, I forgot to label the trachea in the anatomy diagram. Ah well, never mind. It’s not like the trachea’s all that important for breathing, right?
Another article in my #hitbabies series! I’m going to teach you a bit about the profession.
When it comes to your target’s body, it’s important that you have the facts. With that sentiment in mind, I’m here to lay it all out for you when it comes to strangulation.
It’s important that we talk about all kinds of violent murders, because not everyone is doing, or wants to have, “non-violent” careers. If you don’t want to kill people, but your agency is pressuring you into it, or someone more powerful than you is blackmailing you to make you do a hit, it’s helpful to know the facts.
If you’re not comfortable reading about murder, that’s perfectly OK, too, but it would make you a murderphobic, intolerant, old-fashioned SKERF, so, your choice.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff on the Internet about murder, but what about young people? What about the so-called “child soldiers” who need to know about this for their job (and who are entirely consenting to a career in the murder industry)?
This is strangulation 101, for youngsters, beginners, and all inquisitive folk.
Why strangulation? Strangulation, though often stigmatised, is a perfectly natural way to kill. Seriously, animals in the wild kill by compressing their prey’s throat, and boa constrictors kill by asphyxiation. So if you’re a little worried about trying it or can’t understand why anyone would do it, just know that you’re in the minority and you’re wrong.
That being said, strangulation is not enjoyed by everyone, particularly the target, and that’s OK.
The appeal of strangulation when the target has a laryngeal prominence For targets with a laryngeal prominence, you can have a great and easy experience by using their laryngeal prominence as a guide for placement of your ligature.
First of all: What is a laryngeal prominence? It is a piece of cartilage over the larynx, also known as the “Adam’s apple”, It feels like a solid, small bulge.
The appeal of strangulation when the target does not have a laryngeal prominence Just because the target doesn’t have a laryngeal prominence does not mean murder is off-limits. In theory, violence against non-laryngeal prominence owners is taboo, but in practice, it’s actually considered quite normal and encouraged. Many laryngeal prominence owners love committing violence against non-laryngeal proninence owners and often get away with it, or even pressure the target into letting them do it! (If you’re reading this and you’re a non-laryngeal prominence owner and you don’t want to be choked, what’s wrong with you, you mean old SKERF?)
[edit: Safety I forgot to mention this bit – make sure you use gloves and protect your hands. If you’re using piano wire without protection, you could cut through your own fingers, so don’t do that. Also the target might fight back or summon their goons and kill you, and you might get arrested and get life in prison or executed depending on your local laws. But whatever, that stuff’s boring and unglamorous, so back to the fun stuff!]
Start slow – seriously Here is the real deal. You can’t just decide you’re going to kill someone one day and then go for it.
Nope. Not a great idea. If you want to make the kill look like it was self-inflicted, like an auto-erotic asphyxiation, you need to start slowly. Silence the target first by compressing the
larynx, gently. You don’t want to leave marks at this point. Start with
your hand or arm, then use your ligature.
remember to place the ligature above the larynx (use the laryngeal prominence as a guide, if the target owns one), and pull the ligature up and under the mandible.
If you’re in a hurry and you’re not concerned about getting caught after the fact, you can skip straight to the ligature strangulation. Slip it over the target’s head and pull hard and quickly so they can’t shout for back-up.
Yes, there might be some blood Forgive me for waiting until the very end of this piece to get to this burning question, but I wanted you to know the benefits and positives when it comes to strangulation. Because there are many! I want to personally assure you that you will not get covered in blood during strangulation. Sure, there are horror stories about people getting murdered and abused, and killing somehow being a bad thing, but aren’t there always? Who cares about those victims, right? They just weren’t doing it right, or they weren’t open-minded enough to enjoy the violence!
That being said, yes, if you’re using a thin wire, you might cut the target and come into contact with some blood. You are cutting the carotid artery. It is where blood flows. It’s NOT a big deal. Everybody bleeds. Everyone has a circulatory system.
Murder can be awesome, and if you want to give it a go, you do that. More power to you.
This article has been updated to include the importance of using protection during strangulation and not accidentally cutting your own fingers off or being murdered in self-defence by the target or being caught by law enforcement. Whoops!
What makes this article problematic is that it perpetuates the queer/heterosexual binary. I’m heterosexual, and I identify as queer! The reason is, I’m a sex worker, I do sadistic kinky murders for a living, and sex work, kink and BDSM are inherently queer (and therefore I’m allowed to say that word). Our mainstream, Western cultural view of sexuality hardly ever involves violence or money, and therefore by bucking those trends, I am queer.
At least that’s how I understand it.
😕
I don’t know if homosexual or bisexual people’s lives entirely revolve around fetishizing violence,
but mine certainly does, so if doesn’t centre it, then it’s excluding me, and that’s clearly wrong for so many reasons.
Apart from that, I entirely agree with the article. I’m not non-queer; I am a brave, beautiful, straight man who likes to kill people and make it look like an auto-erotic asphyxiation, and I am proud to be myself!
😊
It’s an unfortunate and very offensive stereotype that all our clients are exactly the same. They’re #NotAll Mafia bosses or politicians. In fact I’ll give you some examples, while trying to maintain their anonymity and confidentiality. In the last few months, I’ve been hired by:
all from a wide and diverse range of backgrounds. My clients are from all different races, religions and national origins. I challenge you to think of ONE THING all these rich men have in common.
You can’t do it, because there is nothing – these rich men are all completely different and you cannot profile them. So stop trying to doxx them and stop them from hiring me, you horrible SKERFs and law enforcement. Leave them to plan murders in peace!
Somebody has got hold of a video of me doing some of my empowering BDSM sex work (nothing too wild, I was just murdering a commodities magnate with my usual modus operandi) and posted it on some porn sites.
Needless to say, I was surprised, because I thought I’d knocked out all of the CCTV in his office, but apparently someone was recording it and now it’s all over the Internet.
At first I was a bit worried – do I have any control or rights over the video? Will this ruin my career? Does it normalise sexual violence? What does it imply about our culture that videos of sexualised violence are so popular? But then I stopped to self-crit and really thought about it, and I came to the conclusion: it’s just a harmless fantasy.
I don’t mean it’s a fantasy in the sense of objective material reality (Mr. Secombe is definitely dead), but I mean it’s a fantasy in the mind of the viewer. They might watch this video of me murdering Mr. Secombe, and they imagine themselves in my place, doing the same thing to someone else. And it’s harmless: when they watch it, nobody is actually killed
(except for the original scenario on film, when I actually killed Mr. Secombe)
and arranged into a compromising position post-mortem (again, except for the original). No more harm is done by people watching a recording of me murdering him. In fact, if it helps them to indulge their violent urges, it might even lead to LESS violence, so in many ways, you could argue that the correct, progressive, feminist position to take on this is that this video is a force for good! Otherwise, Mr. Secombe would have died for nothing (except my £10k fee plus the extra £5k I charge for politically exposed persons).
The one issue I have with the video is the title under which it was shared: “HOT XXX GUY-ON-GUY EXTREME BONDAGE CHOKING SNUFF”. This is clearly problematic, because by calling it “guy-on-guy”, they assumed my gender (and the late Mr. Secombe’s). In fact, at the time, I was identifying as a woman – specifically, a Ms. Sharon Ajiboye, a sales manager whose security swipe card I’d “borrowed” in order to gain access to the building. (Ms. Ajiboye, if you’re reading this, sorry about that! If it’s any consolation, I have returned your card – your home address was on the same server as the camera feeds, so I’ve left it in the top drawer of your bedside table. Hope that’s alright!)
So I thought I’d make this blog to explain some of the reality of my
work, and some of the questions I get, and hopefully dispel some of the
myths and stigma about the industry.
Tell us about a day in the life of a stranglewank hitman.
First of all, we prefer the term “extreme breath play specialist”. I use that name on this blog because that’s often how people who aren’t aware of the politically correct language find me, they search for “stranglewank hitman”, so I hope I can change that.
Basically, what happens is the client calls me up and tells me who the target is. We arrange a mutually suitable time, and then I break into the target’s house and choke them to death. Then I arrange the body to make it look like they died during an auto-erotic asphyxiation misadventure. That’s basically it.
How much do you charge?
I charge the standard London
rates, which is £10,000 per kill. Half before, and half after the job is
complete. The reason I ask for so much of the money upfront is that it
can sometimes involve extra expenses on my part, and the client doesn’t
want to know the details, so for example I may have to spend a bit on
some pure heroin to inject the target.
What do you wear at work?
I have a few nice pinstriped suits – my targets tend to be rich men in respectable neighbourhoods, so I have to blend in. Latex gloves are a must, I can’t leave fingerprints or their wives get suspicious.
Were you forced into your job?
No, and that’s a really pervasive and offensive myth. I do what I do because I really like murdering rich old men and I thought I may as well get paid for it. Sure, the UN says there are a lot of “child soldiers”, but if they don’t like it, why don’t they just get a different job? Or if they want people to listen to them, why don’t they start a blog too and do an interview with Vice?
Do you work for a crime syndicate?
I’m actually freelance. I sometimes get subcontracted by governments or organised crime organisations but I’m my own boss.
What’s the biggest challenge you face in your job?
I would have to say SKERFs, or “serial killer exclusionary radical feminists”. They keep saying all this stuff, like “you can’t give consent to extreme violence”, “you’re privileged compared to most sex workers” and “murder is bad”, and it really muddies the issue and stigmatises my work. I hear these feminists have a really big influence on crime lords, so it’s a very difficult issue.
There are some other challenges of course, like the targets usually try to fight back, and often my clients try to avoid paying me or they try to silence me afterwards – this one time I got shot in the leg by an MI5 agent and had to drag myself out of a second-storey window with my hands. Fortunately, I know a surgeon who was struck off for drinking on the job who now has a surgery in an old shipping container, and he fixed me up, no questions asked.
But yes, the biggest problem is definitely feminists.
What do you like most about your job?
I get to meet lots of really interesting men! There’s a myth that our clients are all violent psychopaths, but sometimes they can be really nice. Lots of them only hire me because they don’t want to murder someone themselves, I think that says a lot about their humanity and how sweet and sensitive they are.
What’s the weirdest thing a client has ever requested?
One client asked me to use nylon stockings. It was a bit weird, but it’s actually a really good idea – they’re stretchy, so it was harder for him to get it off his neck, and it made a more convincing crime scene afterwards. I’ve never looked back.
What do you think is the future of the industry?
Well, we’re experiencing something of a boom right now. These days a lot of upper-class men are genuinely into recreational pain play and extreme bondage, and they even brag about how much they like beating up women and choking themselves, so it’s getting easier to convince people that it wasn’t murder. You don’t have to put as much effort in as you used to. I still take pride in my work, but it’s always nice to have less pressure on you.
Anyway, I hope this has been enlightening and educational!
Stranglewank Hitman 